Maybe I should know when to stop
Maybe I should be grateful and not greedy
Maybe it has already been enough
Maybe I need a sign
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Of sirih junjung and nasi minyak
This year, Im gonna be 25. Any single Malay girl out there with the same age of mine will surely has been bombarded with this one and only cepumas question. Bila nak kawen? Heh. Being the eldest of 8 in the family with my younger brother is getting married soon, doesn't make my situation any better.
Being married at 22, my mum has been worried sick that I'm still single and showing no sign of getting married anytime soon. While she should be focusing on my younger brother's wedding, she is quite persistent in talking me into marriage BEFORE my brother. Yes, that will give me about 6 months (or so) to find a candidate and get married. Dude. Scary, really.
Marriage. Not as simple as saying I do (means the 'akad') and you'll live happily ever after. That is just the beginning. And how do you know if you have found the right person to spend your lifetime with. The person who will stick with you no matter what, will accept everything about you even your worst. The person who knows everything about you, knows how to touch my heart. The person who has the chemistry, who speak the same frequency. And the list goes on. I know, nobody's perfect. And you'll never get all the criteria you wish. Well, I guess we'll never know. Jodoh dah tertulis.
It's not that I don't want to get married. Ok, Im the eldest. I have responsibility towards the family. Yet, Im still a student and I don't have extra income to support the family. Yes, I know my parents are still working and they are doing just fine. But, I still want to merasa bagi duit kat mak ayah after kerja, splurge the money on them. Or at least fund my younger siblings for their college/university. You may say that after marriage, I can still do that. Yes, but my responsibility is towards my husband solely. I will have to get his permission to even give a dime to my parents.
Plus, any girl will have their own dream wedding right? Ok, mine is not that luxurious/fantasy/fairy tale-i-will-have-to-spend-over-50k-wedding. The simpler the better. But, of course there are bits of thing that you want according to your taste. Kau nak itu ini, pastu nak guna duit mak ayah, mesti tak best kannnnn. That is why laaa Im not gonna get married anytime soon kot (tapi kalau dah jodoh tak leh la nak tolak kan).
At least, let me finish my master, get a job for at least a year or so. Kumpul duit sikit, baru best. Nak cari calon suami bukan senang dik. Bukan nak demand or anything. But, I know myself. I know what kind of person I go along with. Hanya pada Allah lah kita berharap agar dikurniakan jodoh yang baik buat kita.
Usah dambakan suami semulia Rasullah
Jika diri tak sehebat Khadijah
Jangan berharap suami sehebat Sulaiman
Andai diri tak secantik Balqis
Usah mengharap suami setampan Yusuf
Jika kasih tak setulus Zulaikha
Tidak perlu mencari suami seteguh Ibrahim
Jika diri tidak sekuat Hajar dan Sarah
Usah bermimpi mendapat lelaki seperti Ali
Jika diri tidak sehebat Fatimah
Being married at 22, my mum has been worried sick that I'm still single and showing no sign of getting married anytime soon. While she should be focusing on my younger brother's wedding, she is quite persistent in talking me into marriage BEFORE my brother. Yes, that will give me about 6 months (or so) to find a candidate and get married. Dude. Scary, really.
Marriage. Not as simple as saying I do (means the 'akad') and you'll live happily ever after. That is just the beginning. And how do you know if you have found the right person to spend your lifetime with. The person who will stick with you no matter what, will accept everything about you even your worst. The person who knows everything about you, knows how to touch my heart. The person who has the chemistry, who speak the same frequency. And the list goes on. I know, nobody's perfect. And you'll never get all the criteria you wish. Well, I guess we'll never know. Jodoh dah tertulis.
It's not that I don't want to get married. Ok, Im the eldest. I have responsibility towards the family. Yet, Im still a student and I don't have extra income to support the family. Yes, I know my parents are still working and they are doing just fine. But, I still want to merasa bagi duit kat mak ayah after kerja, splurge the money on them. Or at least fund my younger siblings for their college/university. You may say that after marriage, I can still do that. Yes, but my responsibility is towards my husband solely. I will have to get his permission to even give a dime to my parents.
Plus, any girl will have their own dream wedding right? Ok, mine is not that luxurious/fantasy/fairy tale-i-will-have-to-spend-over-50k-wedding. The simpler the better. But, of course there are bits of thing that you want according to your taste. Kau nak itu ini, pastu nak guna duit mak ayah, mesti tak best kannnnn. That is why laaa Im not gonna get married anytime soon kot (tapi kalau dah jodoh tak leh la nak tolak kan).
At least, let me finish my master, get a job for at least a year or so. Kumpul duit sikit, baru best. Nak cari calon suami bukan senang dik. Bukan nak demand or anything. But, I know myself. I know what kind of person I go along with. Hanya pada Allah lah kita berharap agar dikurniakan jodoh yang baik buat kita.
Usah dambakan suami semulia Rasullah
Jika diri tak sehebat Khadijah
Jangan berharap suami sehebat Sulaiman
Andai diri tak secantik Balqis
Usah mengharap suami setampan Yusuf
Jika kasih tak setulus Zulaikha
Tidak perlu mencari suami seteguh Ibrahim
Jika diri tidak sekuat Hajar dan Sarah
Usah bermimpi mendapat lelaki seperti Ali
Jika diri tidak sehebat Fatimah
Friday, June 17, 2011
Father's Day sentiment
I'm not sure when the Father's Day is but they have talked about it on the radio. So I guess, it's either today or tomorrow or just around the corner (I remember it has to be on weekend, right?). Allow me write in BM for this entry.
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Dulu masa sekolah mesti ada kena buat karangan tentang emak, tentang ayah. Kalau pasal emak memang selalu berjela ayat nak buat karangan. Mak saya itulah, mak saya inilah. Maklah yang selalu jaga kami, maklah tempat kami mengadu, maklah yang didik kami sampai tiap-tiap kali periksa pun mesti dapat top 3. Tapi, bila kena tulis pasal ayah, saya selalu termenung dulu. Apa nak tulis pasal ayah? Ayah selalu tak ada kat rumah. Ayah jarang tolong mak buat kerja rumah. Ayah garang. Tapi, tiap kali menangis lepas kena marah atau bergaduh atau jatuh basikal, nama ayah juga yang dipanggil. Sampai abah (jiran sebelah yang jaga kami) selalu ajuk, ' Ayyyyaahhhhhh...ayyyaaahhhhh'. Masa kanak-kanak, tak faham lagi tentang pengorbanan ayah.
Ayah seorang yang ego tinggi. Kalau itu katanya, itulah. Kalau ini katanya, inilah. Kalau ayah tengah marah, janganlah diusik. Memang kena. Tapi itu dulu, masa darah muda. Masa kami, anak-anak 'batch pertama' kecil lagi. Sekarang adik-adik 'batch akhir' tu, memang sangat dimanjakan. Ayah tak cakap banyak. Lebih banyak diam. Tapi jelingan ayah, memang boleh buat kami menikus.
Bila dah besar, barulah faham tentang betapa besarnya pengorbanan seorang ayah. Memang ayah selalu tak ada di rumah. Balik rumah pun dah penat. Tapi kadang-kadang ayah balik mesti belikan kami sesuatu. Ingat lagi satu hari ayah balik bawa teddy bear. Itu first teddy bear saya. Gaya ayah ala-ala control macho ego-ego sikit tak cakap apa-apa pun terus hulur teddy bear pastu terus ke bilik. Mungkin sebab tu lah saya suka lelaki ego-ego sikit nih. hehe. Mak cakap, ayah bekerja keras nak sara kami.
Ayah bukan dari keluarga berada. Ayah kehilangan bapa pada usia muda. Sebagai anak lelaki sulung, dialah yang terpaksa menggantikan bapanya. Buat kerja sambilan. Terpaksa berjimat. Minum pun kadang-kadang minum air paip je. Sebab tu ayah selalu suruh kami berjimat. Tapi pada waktu yang sama, mungkin tak sampai hati tengok kami berala kadar sangat, ayah manjakan juga kami dengan barang-barang mainan. Sampai sekarang, ayah sanggup buat apa saja asalkan anak-anaknya tidak berlapar dan dapat merasa sedikit kemewahan. Tapi kami jarang nak hargai semua tu. Ayah sayang kami tapi jarang nak luahkan.
Ayah adalah seorang anak yang baik. Tak pernah abaikan Atuk (nenek kami, tapi panggil Atuk Munah). Sekarang kami paham kalau ayah lamabt balik. Ayah akan selalu pergi jenguk Atuk. Ayah beruntung dapat isteri macam Mak yang memahami. Kalau nak cerita kisah Mak pula kat sini mungkin berjela-jela panjangnya.
Lewat ini, Ayah nampak semakin dekat dengan anak-anak. Mungkin sudah berumur, egonya sudah lusuh. Dua raya lepas, pertama kali tengok Ayah menangis. Bila kenang semula, kami patut tabik pada Ayah besarkan kami lapan beradik dengan sederhana. Banyak memori yang boleh menitiskan air mata. Biarlah tersimpan sahaja.
Ayah, terima kasih atas segalanya. Walaupun kadang-kadang nampak Kakak macam tak hargai sangat pengorbanan Ayah, tapi percayalah, Kakak betul-betul bersyukur ada ayah macam Ayah. Biasalah, kata anak Ayah, mestilah ego jugak.hehe. Kakak sayang Ayah tapi tak pernah nak luahkan. Terima kasih selalu ulang-alik Seremban sebab nak hantar kakak balik asrama. Terima kasih sanggup keluarkan duit simpanan sebab nak hantar duit ke Kakak di perantauan. Maaf, Kakak belum dapat lagi nak balas jasa Ayah dan Mak. Segunung emas pun belum tentu dapat balas semua jasa Ayah dan Mak. Selamat Hari Bapa.
--------------------
Dulu masa sekolah mesti ada kena buat karangan tentang emak, tentang ayah. Kalau pasal emak memang selalu berjela ayat nak buat karangan. Mak saya itulah, mak saya inilah. Maklah yang selalu jaga kami, maklah tempat kami mengadu, maklah yang didik kami sampai tiap-tiap kali periksa pun mesti dapat top 3. Tapi, bila kena tulis pasal ayah, saya selalu termenung dulu. Apa nak tulis pasal ayah? Ayah selalu tak ada kat rumah. Ayah jarang tolong mak buat kerja rumah. Ayah garang. Tapi, tiap kali menangis lepas kena marah atau bergaduh atau jatuh basikal, nama ayah juga yang dipanggil. Sampai abah (jiran sebelah yang jaga kami) selalu ajuk, ' Ayyyyaahhhhhh...ayyyaaahhhhh'. Masa kanak-kanak, tak faham lagi tentang pengorbanan ayah.
Ayah seorang yang ego tinggi. Kalau itu katanya, itulah. Kalau ini katanya, inilah. Kalau ayah tengah marah, janganlah diusik. Memang kena. Tapi itu dulu, masa darah muda. Masa kami, anak-anak 'batch pertama' kecil lagi. Sekarang adik-adik 'batch akhir' tu, memang sangat dimanjakan. Ayah tak cakap banyak. Lebih banyak diam. Tapi jelingan ayah, memang boleh buat kami menikus.
Bila dah besar, barulah faham tentang betapa besarnya pengorbanan seorang ayah. Memang ayah selalu tak ada di rumah. Balik rumah pun dah penat. Tapi kadang-kadang ayah balik mesti belikan kami sesuatu. Ingat lagi satu hari ayah balik bawa teddy bear. Itu first teddy bear saya. Gaya ayah ala-ala control macho ego-ego sikit tak cakap apa-apa pun terus hulur teddy bear pastu terus ke bilik. Mungkin sebab tu lah saya suka lelaki ego-ego sikit nih. hehe. Mak cakap, ayah bekerja keras nak sara kami.
Ayah bukan dari keluarga berada. Ayah kehilangan bapa pada usia muda. Sebagai anak lelaki sulung, dialah yang terpaksa menggantikan bapanya. Buat kerja sambilan. Terpaksa berjimat. Minum pun kadang-kadang minum air paip je. Sebab tu ayah selalu suruh kami berjimat. Tapi pada waktu yang sama, mungkin tak sampai hati tengok kami berala kadar sangat, ayah manjakan juga kami dengan barang-barang mainan. Sampai sekarang, ayah sanggup buat apa saja asalkan anak-anaknya tidak berlapar dan dapat merasa sedikit kemewahan. Tapi kami jarang nak hargai semua tu. Ayah sayang kami tapi jarang nak luahkan.
Ayah adalah seorang anak yang baik. Tak pernah abaikan Atuk (nenek kami, tapi panggil Atuk Munah). Sekarang kami paham kalau ayah lamabt balik. Ayah akan selalu pergi jenguk Atuk. Ayah beruntung dapat isteri macam Mak yang memahami. Kalau nak cerita kisah Mak pula kat sini mungkin berjela-jela panjangnya.
Lewat ini, Ayah nampak semakin dekat dengan anak-anak. Mungkin sudah berumur, egonya sudah lusuh. Dua raya lepas, pertama kali tengok Ayah menangis. Bila kenang semula, kami patut tabik pada Ayah besarkan kami lapan beradik dengan sederhana. Banyak memori yang boleh menitiskan air mata. Biarlah tersimpan sahaja.
Ayah, terima kasih atas segalanya. Walaupun kadang-kadang nampak Kakak macam tak hargai sangat pengorbanan Ayah, tapi percayalah, Kakak betul-betul bersyukur ada ayah macam Ayah. Biasalah, kata anak Ayah, mestilah ego jugak.hehe. Kakak sayang Ayah tapi tak pernah nak luahkan. Terima kasih selalu ulang-alik Seremban sebab nak hantar kakak balik asrama. Terima kasih sanggup keluarkan duit simpanan sebab nak hantar duit ke Kakak di perantauan. Maaf, Kakak belum dapat lagi nak balas jasa Ayah dan Mak. Segunung emas pun belum tentu dapat balas semua jasa Ayah dan Mak. Selamat Hari Bapa.
Monday, June 13, 2011
the journey
Kita hanya merancang, Tuhan yang menentukan. Very often we hear this phrase when something happen. Especially something that we didn't expect at all. When I was little, I mean not so little but old enough to know the meaning of life, I used to have this vision in my head; what I'm gonna do when I grew up, what it'll be like and how it was supposed to be. But, then having reached this point of my life, it seems totally diverted from what I actually had in mind.
I still haven't get the whole picture how my journey will turn out. But I do believe that I have the power to direct the course of direction. I know I was destined for something good, something more than average. I cannot settle for whatever in front of me. I know would have to strive for the best.
Question is, do I have enough willpower to do that? And what is the main important thing that I have to achieve anyway? Is it success? Happiness? Fame?
And how do you know when it's time to be enough.
I still haven't get the whole picture how my journey will turn out. But I do believe that I have the power to direct the course of direction. I know I was destined for something good, something more than average. I cannot settle for whatever in front of me. I know would have to strive for the best.
Question is, do I have enough willpower to do that? And what is the main important thing that I have to achieve anyway? Is it success? Happiness? Fame?
And how do you know when it's time to be enough.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Grand opneing, not.
Hey, so Im having this huge chunk or writer's block I cant even write my paper (which my supervisor has been asking for the past few weeks). So, to begin, let's just enjoy these few songs that I've putting on my infinite repeat.
Most of them are the soundtracks of Nur Kasih The Movie (except Alyah's Kisah Hati) which I just watched yesterday along 2 other movies.Three movies in a day.Mampu? =.='
Most of them are the soundtracks of Nur Kasih The Movie (except Alyah's Kisah Hati) which I just watched yesterday along 2 other movies.Three movies in a day.Mampu? =.='
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